Chicago's Finest Print

Before I retired from Radio and started Lower Tech Bills, I spent over 25 years at WXRT. First, as an on-air person/Music Director and eventually, the General Manager. So, with all due respect to Chicago’s Finest Rock and since I was there when we came up with that moniker, I give you the headline of this post.

We all know that the devil is in the details and when it comes to Cell, Internet and TV plans, the devil has been working overtime. I get a lot of “Special Offers” from various providers. I’m not sure if they know what I do, or they just eat all my cookies. In any event, I recently received a couple of them that are noteworthy because they sounded pretty darn good to me.

The first came from Comcast Xfinity. The headline reads, “The offer you’ve been waiting for. But don’t wait too long." It then goes on to cite the Xfinity 10G Network Celebration Offer. It’s a limited time deal of home internet, with equipment included, for $25 month. That is a darn good price. But it does bring to mind two questions…What’s heck is 10G and is it really $25?

First, let’s talk 10G. This is basically a marketing ploy made-up by Comcast. I’m sure their advertising gurus want you to think about cellular 5G and think, “Hey, this must be twice as good as my cell phone’s 5G.” Well, think again. 10G is a reference to 10Gbps, or the maximum speed the Xfinity broadband network on that plan is capable of. It has nothing to do with cellular network terminology like 5G whatsoever. Comcast’s service is for home internet, not mobile. In fact, Comcast’s 10G may actually be slower than a 5G home internet provided by a cell phone company such as Verizon. But I’ll get to those guys later.

As for the offer itself, that’s where the fine print happens. Before you have to dig too deeply, on the offer page, it says that the price is guaranteed for two years, but that taxes and fees are extra. But there are two worrisome things on this offer page. First, it says, “Restrictions apply” and then it has a magic link that says, “Pricing & other info”. I think I’ll click on that link says I and look at whatever fine print might be there.

Yikes! There’s a lot. Such as it’s for new customers only and it’s limited to the “Connect More” package. What's a "Connect More" package? Now I need to look that up. Five minutes later, I find it and they say that it’s good for downloading photos and music. It says nothing about video streaming so who knows. But I read on to more fine print. It turns out that this service is not available in all areas. You need to sign-up for paperless and automatic billing or it will cost $10 more a month. It goes on the say that equipment installation, taxes and fees are subject to change during the promo, whatever that means. It also says that after the promo, regular rates will apply, whatever those are. Then there is, “Actual speeds may vary and are not guaranteed.” Never a good thing to read.

There’s even more fine print, but it would take me another couple of paragraphs to go through it all. I think you get the idea that this may not be exactly what they are saying it is. I do give them some confusion kudos for their attempt to compare 10G to a company like Verizon’s 5G home internet.

And speaking of Verizon, here is the other offer that I just received which includes more fine print. This one is an e-mail with the headline, “You’re eligible for Verizon Home Internet! 2$/mo* with select 5G mobile plans and Auto Pay.” It also says that there are no contracts or hidden fees, so that’s good. But that * is, how shall I say, a bit discomforting. So, down I go to the bottom of the page with the 4-point typeface. I breakout the old magnifying glass and I see that it says that plans start at $25 a month, when combined with a 5G Do More, Play More, Get More or one unlimited iPhone plan. So, you need one of those. Also, as with Comcast, you need to be enrolled in Auto Pay, it’s for new customers only or if you cancelled your previous service within the last four months and had to pay an early termination fee and their internet service is only available in “select areas”.

They do say you can get up to a $500 credit if you are in a contract with another provider to help you cover your early termination fees, but I highly doubt that you can use that $500 to cover Verizon's early termination fees. It says I can get more information by clicking on the “Learn More” link. I hit that and it contained even more stuff for me to read. However, at that point, my eyeballs had turned a shade of bloodshot that I haven't seen since I drank way too much tequila in college. So, I rest my case along with my eyes.

The takeaway from this whole thing is that believe it or not, advertising does not exactly give you the full picture. One of the reasons I started Lower Tech Bills is so you can hold on to your eyesight while I do the research. If you would like me to take a free look at your Internet, Cell and/or TV bills, visit lowertechbills.com or email hmwellsradio@gmail.com. Your ophthalmologist and I will thank you.